5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
