just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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