how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
