Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
