dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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