He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
