No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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