he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
