I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
