My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
