it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
