Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize