Your tits are I can't wait for
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
