one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
