So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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