ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
