you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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