Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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