watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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