so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
