Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
