toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
