Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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