i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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