so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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