I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
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Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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