two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
