woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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