I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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