so that wasnt chicken after all
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
