i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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