the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
