State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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