My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
