the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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