I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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