You're my little dorito
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
