He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
