Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
