I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
