So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
