I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
