I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
