i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
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I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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