Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize