look no pants
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
