shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
