Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
