I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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