I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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