I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
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After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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