I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
