Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
