you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
