I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
