I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
