I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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