I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
