Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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