There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
