Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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