Duck Duck Cougar?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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