i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
