Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
