I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
