Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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