Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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