Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
