im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will be naked everywhere
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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