this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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