what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
