It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
