I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
