I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
