playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
