That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
