I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
