I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
